InsaneJournal

Current mood:	okay
Entry tags:	bridge, in my time of dying, max, nano, who wants to live forever

Section 12 (Bridge, Instalment 2, Done)
Word count: 1 108

I'm not perfect. Nobody is. I never tried to be perfect nor claimed to be perfect, and anybody can say, myself included, that I've made mistakes. Small ones, big screw-ups, all in-between, the full range.

But every one I've made? Has been my choice too, and I don't regret it. I take it, and learn form it, or try to. And put it behind my back if the consequences allow it, or tried to make amends otherwise. Tried to be fair.

Tried to be the best that I can be, and I think I'm not doing that bad a job of it. Not even with all the eyerolling I cause, because, damn, Stephen, I've grown to like it when you do that. Not with all the exasperation that I cause when I need to be stitched up - skin or clothes - and, yes, Dia, I love that half-glare you give me when you need to do that, too.

I'm a person. Not perfect, and not horrible, and have my ups and downs, and never tried to avoid owning up to them, because there's only one life I have to live, and I never meant to do less than experience it fully.

All the love that is being given to me, I tried to earn, to be worthy of, every moment of every day, and to give it back, and I think I'm managing that. Because you, all of you who have witnessed my life, who have cared about it, who have loved it - all of you are worth it.

Sometimes I like to think I'm living my life by principles. To drink the joy of life, as my mother taught me; honor, as my mentor showed me, loyalty as I see it and need it and need to give it. Honesty, to those who have been honest to me. Excellence. I think I follow them, and truth, as much as was possible, and... other things that might be considered good.

But even more, I like to think that I live my life with people. For people, through people, as a person, and a decent one at that. People, people are more important than principle, when you look right down to it. People live and breathe and feel pain and joy and they can give back and need, while principles are cold, unyielding, unnegotiable. People are the reason for principles, every which way you look at it, or at least every way I look at it. I'd like to believe I live my life, I make my choices, in a way that is worthy of the people in my life.

Myself, honestly, included.

And I like to think I live my life responsibly. In awareness of what I'm doing, why I am doing it, what will come to pass because of it. Yeah, sometimes all of the choices available honestly and completely suck. There's no choosing the lesser evil then, there is just choosing. Making the choice that might, if used correctly - if used smartly - allow for more choices, which might eventually lead to something that is more decent. Choosing to stay in a situation where I will continually have no choice? Not me.

And that's why I'm reliable. Because I won't let myself stay someplayce that I don't want to be. One way or another, I'll get back to soemthing that I can do. I may not like it, you may not like it, but you can bet that the 'bad' guys will like it a lot, a whole of a lot less. Because I am indeed awesome like that.

I'm effective, I'm good with what I have, and I have a lot, and I give my all to what I decide to do. Because I'm certain that what I'm doing is what I want to do, what I should be doing, and what needs to be done by me.

Which is why I can enjoy the times when the fruits of what I've chosen come rolling. And they do, they have. No, really, there's often some serious rolling. Enjoyed by all the parties. Rolling, and rocking, and pressing against walls, and riding of laps, or all kinds of good things, done in passion, once upon a time, and for a very long, wonderful time, done in love. The greatest principle one can follow really. Follow, learn about, embrace.

Yeah, and a lot of embracing. I like embracing. I don't think that's really surprising to anybody, but I do. So I take a lot of it, regularly.

In fact, I take a lot of everything I like, regularly. I don't waste the opportunities for the good things. And I don't waste good things by doing them halfway, no, I don't waste anything by doing it halfway. All-out effort, doing things well, and that's that. Nothing else is good enough.

There's only one road I'm walking. Ever. The road that I chose, the road that I choose, day by day. There is no backtracking along it because there are no regrets, and I don't plan on there being any. That way no matter what, I'm staying the person who can be trusted, and loved, and found over and over again, regardless of the specific circumstances or events. If you think I'm lost to you, remember who I am and how I'd act, because if you feel the loss you know me well enough for that - and I'll be there with you. And that's a solemn promise.

And you know I keep to my word. It's my mark on the world, it's who I am. It's why I'm careful about giving it, but when I do, it's generous. It's complete. Overall, I do give fully - generously. And that's part of the reason why you all enjoy my presence and give back as freely.

Because I know that whatever's worth doing is worth doing well, and I live by that.

In the end, I do it all, all, the way I want to. The good, the foolish, the brave, the funny, and even the occasionally smart. That is and will be my mark on the world.

So if I happen to die in a fight, if I happen to die early - and you all know what I do can make that happen, makes it more than a little likely - then, as was written on a wall, in a movie, I can say:

Max Parker was here.

Nobody can deny that. Nobody can take that away from me.

Nobody can take it away from you either. No matter what.

Keep it in mind, alright?

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